His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
