it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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