Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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