So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
