shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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