dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize