My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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