i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
