I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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