dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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