So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
