My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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