Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize