Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
