so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
pop tarts are not kleenex
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
