i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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