Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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