I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
