I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
