from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
