God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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