I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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