yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize