the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
