What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
