shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
