The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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