you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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