She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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