I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
