I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
