I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
