Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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