i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize