Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
