sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
