The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
