who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
