when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
