i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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