I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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