the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
