My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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