I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The air was thick with penises
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
