u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
