if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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