similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize