Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
