i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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