I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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