Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
