Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
