ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
how does that bad decision feel?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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