you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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