is your mom at the bar?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
