Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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