just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
