captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
