I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize