I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
