one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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