Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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