I just threw up on my dentist
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
