i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
