Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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