i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
