She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
