I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
