Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
