No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
