Where is the hickey?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
