Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
