haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
