6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
