My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it because I queefed?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
