Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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