when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize