i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
