If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
