I cannot find my penis.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
