I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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