from now on my penis is your penis
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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