i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
