My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize