and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
