Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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