escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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