the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your dad touched me again.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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