and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
