half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize