I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
