I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize