i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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