You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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