Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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