do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Floor bacon is actually really good
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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