and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
