i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
