I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
