Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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