if i can run in heels then i can drive
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize