It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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