Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
