Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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