I don't usually arrange sex via text message
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
