college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
